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Native American Jokes ( MC's, use these at your dances!!!)

Need a good laugh? Keep reading!

Need a joke idea for your local dance??? Make a copy and take it with you!

Have a good one to add to the list? Email it to me, I'll add it for everyone else to enjoy!

Some of these Native American Jokes have been taken from the internet and are solely intended for entertainment and not to offend anyone.

I take no credit for authorship of any of them. Some are not really suitable for small children, so be forewarned.....On the other hand, some sensitive folks may deem these jokes to be somewhat racist. They're not racist, just culturist, and it's important to laugh, especially at yourself. If you have a funny Native Joke, please send it along, I'll post it here if it's not too disgusting....

This wagon train is heading across the desert, when all of a sudden the wagon master notices that on all sides of the valley, there are Indian guys. He quickly forms the wagons into the "Hollywood" circle, to protect the families in the train. Nothing happens. Soon, drums are heard pounding out in the distance, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum.......(the famous Hollywood drumbeat from the John Ford movies) The wagon master tells the train, "I don't like the sound of this...." From out in the distance comes another voice, saying, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!"

A Cheyenne man goes into a grocery store, and asks for a package of toilet paper. The clerk offers him 3 kinds, Charmin, Best Brand, and Generic. The Cheyenne man takes the generic. He comes back in a week later, throws the remainder of the toilet paper at the store clerk and says, "I don't want no cheap John Wayne toilet paper!" The clerk laughs and says, "It's not John Wayne toilet paper, it's GENERIC toilet paper." The Cheyenne guy tells him, 'You can call it whatever you want, but it's rough, tough, and won't take crap off nobody!"

A Dine' guy is sitting in a bus stop with two old anglo men. The first Anglo guy says, "Hey Herb, where you going for vacation this year?" Herb tells him, "I'm going to Montana to fish this year", The first guy looks at him and exclaims, "What you want to go there fer? They ain't nothin but a bunch of damned Indians up there." Herb then says, "Well, where you goin?" The first guy says, "I'm going to Arizona and soak up some sun!" Herb looks at him and yells, "You moron, there's nothing but a bunch of Indians in Arizona!" Then the little Dine' guy speaks up and comments, "Why don't you both just go to hell! There's no Indians there."

Between the reservation and the city, there is a road that marks the boundary lines. On one side of the road are the rez dogs, and they just kind of lie around staying cool. On the city side are the city dogs, and they always chase cars as they go down the road, barking, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow". One day the city dogs ask the rez dogs, "How come you never chase cars with us?" The rez dogs respond, "What's the point, it's just a waste of time. The cars don't do anything when you chase them." The city dogs tell the rez dogs that they think its just a lot of fun, so finally the rez dogs agree to try it just once.

The next car comes down the road, and the dogs from both sides chase the car. The city dogs bark, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow" and the res dogs chase too, but they bark, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow, Bow-wow, Bow-wow ...........eeeehhhhhhhhhhh." :-)

What did the Dine' lady say first time she went into Pizza Hut?

"Who threw up on my frybread?"

What did the Oglala say when his dog fell into the Fire?
Hot---Dowg, ...

What did the Cheyenne River guy say When he couldn't find his dog?
Dowg Gone....

What do u call a dog waggin its tail walking thru Rosebud?............

A Happy Meal

NASA asked this elder Dine' guy to record a message to put on their newest SETI satellite, along with messages from other cultures and languages. He records the message, the satellite is launched, and one day CNN broadcasts the messages being sent into outer space from the spacecraft. A huge belly laugh is heard coming from the entire northern portion of Arizona. When CNN asks why the people are laughing, a man from Chinle tells them, "The message says that if they are hearing this, to stay quiet and don't respond, because as soon as the white man knows where those aliens live, they'll come over for dinner, and end up NEVER going home!"

An Apache guy, who had spent his whole life in the desert, goes to visit a friend who had moved to town. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
BAM!!, he's hit by the train and tossed to the side of the tracks. It was only a glancing blow, so he was lucky enough to live through it with a few broken bones and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teapot whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teapot into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the noise, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the Apache guy, "Why'd you bust up my teapot?" The desert man replies, "Shii' kiis', (my friend) you gotta kill these things when they're small."

2 Lakota guys and a dude from New York are on a hunting trip. On the first day, one Lakota goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away. "How did you get your deer so fast?!" "Easy" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and got my deer."

The next day the 2nd Lakota guy goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away again, just flabbergasted. "How did you get YOUR deer so fast?!" "It's simple" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and there was the deer."

On the third day, the New York guy goes out. He doesn't return, and when darkness begins to fall, the two Lakota guys go looking for him. They found him lying at the base of a hill, bloodied up, clothes torn, and bones broken. "What happened to you?" they asked. "I did just what you told me to do, I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and the damn train ran me over."

Did you know that vegetarian is an indigenous word?

Translated it mean "Can't hunt"!


The Bureau of Caucasian Affairs

United Native Americans (UNA) are proud to announce that it has bought the state of California from the Caucasians and is throwing it open to Native settlement. UNA bought California from three winos found wandering in San Francisco. UNA determined that the winos were the spokesmen for the Caucasians people of California. These winos promptly signed the treaty, which was written in Sioux, and sold California for three cases of wine, one bottle of gin, and four cases of beer.
Lehman L. Brightman, the Commissioner of Caucasians Affairs, has announced the following new policies: The Indians hereby give the Caucasians four large reservations of ten acres each at the following locations: Death Valley, The Utah Salt Flats, The Badlands of South Dakota,
and the Yukon in Alaska. These reservations shall belong to the Caucasians "for as long as the sun shines or the grass grows" (or until the Indians want it back.)
All land on the reservations, of course, will be held in trust for the Caucasians by the Bureau of Caucasian Affairs, and any Caucasians who wants to use his land in any way must secure permission from Commissioner Brightman.
Of course, Caucasians will be allowed to sell trades and handicrafts at stands by the highway. Each Caucasian will be provided annually with one blanket, one pair of tennis shoes, a supply of Spam, and a copy of The Life of Crazy Horse.
If you are competent enough, you will be able to be a BCA reservation superintendent. Applicants must have less than one year of education, must not speak English, must have an authoritarian personality, proof of dishonesty, and a certificate of incompetence. No Caucasians need apply.
Commissioner Brightman also announced the founding of four boarding schools, to which Caucasians youngsters will be sent at the age of six (6). "We want to take those kids far away from the backward culture of their parents," he said. The schools will be located on Alcatraz Island; the Florida Everglades; Point Barrow, Alaska; and Hong Kong. All courses will be taught in Indian languages, and there will be demerits for anyone caught speaking English. All students arriving at the school will immediately be given IQ tests to determine their understanding of Indian Language and hunting skills.
Hospitals will be established for the reservations as follows:

Caucasians at Death Valley may go to the Bangor, Maine Hospital; those at the Utah Salt Flats may go to Juneau, Alaska Hospital; those at the Yukon may go to the Miami Beach Hospital; and those at the Badlands may go to the Hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. Each hospital will have a staff of two part-time doctors and a part-time chiropractor who have all passed first aid tests. And each hospital will be equipped with a scalpel, a jack knife, a saw, a modern tourniquet, and a large bottle of aspirin.
In honor of the whites, many cities, street cars, and products will be given traditional Caucasian names.
A famous Native movie director has even announced that in his upcoming film, Custer's Last Stand, he will use many actual Caucasians to play the parts of soldiers, speaking real English, although, of course, the part of Custer will be played by noted Native actor Wes Studi.
Certain barbaric Caucasian customs will, of course, not be allowed. Caucasians will not be allowed to practice their heathen religions, and will be required to attend Native ceremonies. Missionaries will be sent from each Nation to convert the Caucasians on the reservations. Caucasian churches will either be made into amusement parks or museums or will be torn down and the bricks and ornaments sold as souvenirs and curiosities.
Caucasian cemetaries will be deconstructed and all artifacts will be housed in museums. Skeletal remains of Anglos will be put on display and their skulls will be studied, measured, scrutinized, and analyzed so that Native people can determine just what is wrong with Caucasian people. Caucasians cemetery land will be distributed among people wishing to build roller skating rinks and stop-and-rob stores.
There will be two separate but distinct legal and judicial systems: one for Natives and one for Caucasians, but Natives will hold all the judicial seats, legislative seats, and will staff all police and fire departments. Caucasians can become police officers and fire fighters on their designated reservations but can only act in minor roles. Legal and judicial authority comes directly from the Bureau of Caucasian Affairs.
Several holidays will be developed to honor Anglo people's contributions to society. To further honor them corporations and schools will be encouraged to develop pagents, festivals, sporting events, and for-profit items that can carry the images and names of the Caucasian people.
Educational books (history, archeology, paleotenology, astronomy, medicine, music, literature, art, etc.) will reflect the many contributions of Caucasian people on pages 1, 2, and part of page 3 of every book. The rest of the pages will focus strictly on Native history and contribution.

While this is humorous, note that it is a mirror of Native/Anglo culture in the past years, and still is this way in many purviews......Think on it while you laugh

Remember, one cannot make footprints in the sands of time by sitting on their butt, and who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?

The Blackfeet asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the nearest phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "its going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again and asks "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Blackfeet are collecting wood like crazy!"

A Cheyenne guy went to Chinatown in San Francisco. While there he found a bronze rat at a thrift store. "How much do you want for the rat" he asked.  "$3 for the rat and $1000 for the story that goes with it" said the shopkeeper. "Just give me the rat," the Cheyenne said, and then he left with it.   As he walked down the street he noticed a couple of rats following him. As he walked further, more and more rats started chasing him. By the time he got to the bay, there were thousands of rats chasing him. So he climbed up a pole and threw the bronze rat into the water. To his amazement, all the rats jumped into the water. 
The Cheyenne then returned to the thrift store.  "Ahh" the china man said. "Now you would like to hear the story?" 
"No" said the Cheyenne, "I just came back to see if you had any bronze white men!"
Anglos have BC and AD to measure time. Native People only have the four BC's****
Before Columbus
Before Custer
Before Commodity....
Before Costner!!


What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

What do Eskimos get from rubbing noses too many times?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
    A stick.

Two Indians at Plymouth Rock watch a huge ship full of white people pulling into the harbor.  The one looks at the other and asked "Do you think they'll stay overnight?".

Life is better when and if you can laugh.....


A family was visiting an indian reservation when they came upon an old indian man laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly aginst the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old indian "What are you doing?" the old indian replied "Woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model four door station wagon, traveling 65 MPH" "That's amazing" exclaimed the father... "You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground?" "NO" said the old indian "They just ran over me five minutes ago"

The Great River
There were three Indian men in the woods, they came to a great river and needed to get to the other side, so the first Indian man said "oh Grandfather give me the strength to cross the great river so I may continue my journey" And Grandfather gave him big strong arms. He swam across the great river in 45 min. The second Indian man said "oh Grandfather give me the tools so I too may cross the great river and continue my journey" So Grandfather gave him tools which he used to carved a canoe and it only took him 2 hours. The third Indian man thought and then asked "oh Grandfather give me the strength, the tools and make me smart so I too can cross the great river and continue my journey, so Grandfather made him into an Indian Woman and gave him a Map, she looked at the map and walked 5 min to the bridge.

Say that again...
A white woman was driving down a lonely road through the Cherokee rez when she saw a Cherokee woman walking along the roadside. She pulled over and offered her a lift. The Cherokee woman nodded and got in the passenger side. They rode in silence for a few miles when the white woman noticed the Cherokee woman slipping glances to a bottle of whiskey on the seat beside them. Not wanting her to get the wrong idea, the white woman says, "Oh, I got that for my husband." The Cherokee woman nods, looks back to the road and quietly says, "Good Trade"


What do you call a Kiowa who marries a Lakota.....A Social Climber

My Man

There was a Kiowa Man and a Apache Man both of them wanted this Sioux woman. So, the Sioux woman said who ever uses Liver and Cheese best in a sentence is who I will choose. The Kiowa man smiled and said if you choose me I will make you a liver and cheese sandwich you will never forget....The Apache man said "Liver alone Cheese mine!"

Don't Mess With Indian Women

A Kiowa man has six beautiful children, and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" which she hated, but, in spite of her objections he continued. One night they went to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. So he shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home my little mother of six?" His wife irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, shouts back "Anytime you're ready, father of four!"

Did You Hear The One About.......

A Navajo man and a Ojibway woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on the train, after the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. He was sleeping on the top bunk and she was on the lower. Later that night the Navajo man leans over, and wakes the Ojibway woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?" The Ojibway woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we married." The Navajo man happily agrees saying "OK!" Then the Ojibway woman says "GOOD.....Get your own damm blanket!"

Top 10 Things to say to a Non-Native When First Meeting....

10. Your hair is so beautiful, Can I touch it.
09.Can I take your Picture?
08. I learned about your peoples ways in Girl/Boy Scouts.
07. So, I hear the government steals you land.
06. I have always been fascinated with your peoples powdered wigs and knickers.
05. Do you people still live in log cabins and ride in covered wagons.
04. I have always wanted to square dance.
03. So, How much white are you anyway?
02. I'm part white myself, it goes way back in the family.
01. My great grandmother was a Full-blooded European princess.


Four men gather on the top of a 30-story building, an East Indian, a Japanese, a Native American, and a White man.
The East Indian guy says, "this is for my people!" and he jumps off the building.
The Japanese says, "This too is for my people!" and jumps off.
The Native American proudly says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off........

Study on Native Women.....

An Anthropologist was conducting a study on Native Women. At the end of his study, he gave a presentation of his results. He said that according to his research, Chippewa women have a tendency to walk behind their men, letting the men lead them. Cheyenne women walked in front of their men, guiding them. The Crow women, he discovered walked beside their men. And at the end of his presentation he revealed that Lakota women.... "Well, Lakota women had the tendency to walk all over their men!"

BIA Firemen!

An Apache, a Pawnee and a Hopi escaped the burning BIA building by climbing up to the roof. The BIA firemen were on the street below, holding a blanket. The firemen yelled to the Apache, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Apache jumped and SQUISH! The BIA firemen yanked the blanket out from under him. The Apache slammed into the sidewalk. The Pawnee stepped forward. "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" yelled the BIA firemen to him. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" "No! It's Apaches we can't stand! We're OK with Pawnees. "OK" said the Pawnee, and he jumped. ..... SQUISH! The BIA firemen yanked the blanket away, and the Pawnee is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Hopi steps up to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yelled, "Jump! You have to jump!" "No! Really! You have to jump! It's only Apaches and Pawnees we hate! We won't pull the blanket away from you! We promise! Now jump! Hurry!" "Look," says the Hopi "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it......"


Three Native women died and were brought before the Great Spirit for judgment...... The Great Spirit said, "I will let you into paradise if the beliefs you lived by were proper. Tell me what you believed when you were alive. "The Cree woman said, "I have always believed in the Grandfathers and the Generations, and that is how I lived my life." "Fine," said the Great Spirit. "You may enter paradise and sit on my left. "And what did you believe?" he asked the Cheyenne woman "I have always believed in Goodness, and I have tried to live my life in a good way "Fine! You may also enter paradise and sit on my right." Then he turned to the third woman, a Lakota. "And what do you believe?" The Lakota woman said, "I believe you're sitting in my chair!"

Grassdancing Monkey......

A Sioux guy walks into a bar and notices a monkey dressed as a grassdancer sitting on the bar. The Sioux sits down and orders a beer, he glances at the little grassdancer. The monkey's owner notices and says, watch this,he starts pounding out a southern tune on the bar. To the amazement of the Sioux, the monkey starts to dance!! The little grassdancer is one of the best that he has ever seen!! After a few minutes the Sioux reaches for his wallet and takes out a $20 bill and puts it down in front of the monkey. The owner tries to return it to the Sioux saying I understand the tradition of honoring dancers with money, but this is too much! The Sioux shakes his head and replies, I just can't help myself, those little Caddo kids are just so darn cute when they're little!!

Skindian Test.....
Can you pass this test?

The term "Buzzed-up" refers to:
1. Being let into a second-story building by having the door buzzed open.
2. Being called on the telephone.
3. Becoming suddenly ready to sing at the drum during a "49".

The term "Snag" refers to:
1. A pull in your clothes from getting them caught on something.
2. A piece of wood in a creek that puts a hole in your canoe.
3. A one-night stand.

The term "49" refers to:
1. A position like "69".
2. A latitudinal meridian of North America.
3. A party.

The term Squeeze refers to:
1. What you do to a sponge.
2. Extorting money from someone
3. The current object of your affections

The critical thing to know before a "49" is:
1. Location
2. Who has the drum.
3. The location of the nearest all-night convenience store to the "49".

The critical thing to know immediately after a "49" is:
1. Who has your car keys.
2. Who has your car.
3. Where you are.

The refrain of every "49" song is:
1. "(number) of bottles of beer on the wall"
2. "There's a tear in my beer"
3. "Heyaya heyaya yo hey!"

The term "Commodities" refers to:
1. Items on the stock exchange
2. A contraction of the term "come-oddities"
3. The wonderful, delicious assortment of dried, greasy, canned foods on the rez.

The term "Indian Car" refers to:
1. The latest model of the Jeep Cherokee.
2. A government car that has "Bureau of Indian Affairs" on the doors.
3. Anything on four wheels that will take you and your relatives to town

The term "Indian Time" refers to:
1. Being on time.
2. Being 25 minutes early.
3. Being 30 minutes to 1 hr late.

The term "Fancy Dance Contest" refers to:
1. Doing the macarena, competitively, at a high school prom.
2. A black-tie evening competitive-tango gala
3. Something only someone under the age of 20 - in good physical shape and still hyperactive - attempts at a pow-wow.

The term "Traditional dance contest" refers to:
1. A Square Dance Competition
2. A sedate Waltz Competition.
3. Something only someone over the age of 20 - who knows better and is no longer hyperactive - attempts at a pow wow.

Three Indian guyz......

Three Indian guys were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. One was a Kiowa, one was an Apache and the other was a Sioux. During the course of conversation they began talking about the problems with their wives. The Kiowa said "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do her own cooking." Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing, the second say I saw noting again. But, on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, an a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert." Then the Apache spoke up: "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do her own shopping, and also do the cleaning." The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But, on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and the pantry shelves were filled with groceries." The Sioux sat straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said: "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and house cleaning." Well, the first day I saw nothing. The second say I still saw nothing. But, on the third day, I could see just a little bit out of my left eye.........

Have a Coke and a Smile.....

Two Chippewas boarded a flight out of Denver. One sat in the window seat; and the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a Lakota got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Chippewas. The Lakota kicked off his moccasins, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Chippewa in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a Coke." "No problem" said the Lakota, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you!" While he was gone, one of the Chippewas picked up the Lakota's moccasin and spit in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Chippewa said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Lakota said "Not a problem" and while he was gone the other Chippewa picked up the other moccasin and spit in it. The Lakota returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight. As the plane was landing, the Lakota slipped his feet into his moccasins and knew immediately what had happened. "My brothers, how long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our tribes? This Hatred? This animosity? This spitting in moccasins and peeing in Cokes?"


One-Wish Genie

A Cree woman was walking along the beach on the Saskatchewan River when she stumbled upon an old bottle. She picked it up, rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. She talked with him awhile, Then he told her he granted wishes. "Yes, I hear I get three wishes." The Genie said "Nope, sorry the three-wish genies are story tale myths, I'm a one wish Genie... So what what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony. "The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed "Lady, be reasonable, These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good, but, not that GOOD! I don't think it can be done, make another wish and please be reasonable" The woman thought for a minute and said...."Well, I've never been able to find the right Indian man. You know, one that's considerate, fun and likes to round dance and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, one that doesn't drink and is faithful. That's what I wish ........ A good Indian Man!" The Genie let out a long sigh....... Shook his head and said "Let me see that freakin Map"
What's the difference between a white guy praying in church and a white guy praying in an Indian Casino?............. The one in the casino is sincere........


Wine her, Dine her, call her by her Indian Name, Hug her, Support her
Hold her in the moonlight, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her,
Listen to her, Laugh with her, Cry with her, Cuddle with her at a 49,
Romance her, Believe in her, Shop with her, Give her many Pendleton Blankets,
and no Indian Time, Keep a job through Pow-Wow season, Carry her chair at the Pow-Wow,
Give her beautiful Indian Jewelry, Buy her flowers, Hold her hand, Always tell her, her fry bread is better,
Give her many horses, Keep the run down cars out of the yard, Bead for her, Play Native music for her,
Compose a song for her, Set up camp for her, Hunt for her (clean it for her), Give her lots of attention and
Sing beautiful Native music to her.


Show up with an Indian Taco, Corn Soup and an extra piece of fry bread.......

41 Days.........

In a bar one day, a group of Navajo's were celebrating in the corner, shouting, "41 days, 41 days" The bartender watched as more came in and joined the celebration. He was so curious, he went over and said, "Why are you celebrating and shouting 41 days, 41 days?" One of the men held up a puzzle box and said "The box says 4 to 6 years and it only took us 41 days"

College Grads.....

At the urinal two white guys and an Indian were standing side by side. The first white guy finished and zipped his pants up and started to wash his hands.....Clear up to his elbows he then used about 20 paper towels before he was done. He then turned to the other two guys and said "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean" The second white guy finished by quickly wetting his finger tips and grabbed one paper towel and said "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious." the Indian guy was about to just walk out the door when he said "I was taught long, long ago by a wise elder not piss on my hands"

I told you not to mess with NDN women!

A Kiowa was in the bar, talking to the bar tender "Today is my daughters 18th Birthday......I was so glad and it was my last child support payment" "Month after month, year after year" Then today, I called my daughter Buffalo Woman and said "Come get this check, take it to your mother, tell her it's the last Damm check she's ever going to get from me, No more "Free" rides at the Pow-wow's and daughter, I want you to tell me the expression on her face"........My daughter came took her mother the check. I was so eager to hear what the witch had to say and to know the look on her face. As my daughter walked up to me I said "So what did she have to say?" "Well, she told me to tell you, your not even my daddy....."

Careful what you wish for!

A Sioux dies and goes to heaven......He's sitting outside the gates of Heaven with an Apache, a Kiowa, and a White man. They all hear the voice of GOD..."I want you all to run off the edge of the cloud, make a wish and you will become it!" the Apache runs off the edge yelling "Buffalo" and he becomes a buffalo. The Kiowa runs off the edge and yell's out "Hawk" and becomes a Hawk Next the Sioux he thinks a minute and then jumps off the edge yelling "Eagle" and he flies away as a beautiful eagle. Then the white guy approches the edge.......ooops.... he slips off the cloud and yell's out "Oh, Shit".........

Rez Dogs.....

How can you tell the difference between a rez dog and a non-rez dog?
Throw each one in an oven at 400 degrees for 20min.
The non-rez dog will be tender and moist...But...
The rez dog will come out saying "That was a good sweat!"

You thought you were slow

One Summer day there were two lakota Women sitting on the porch beading, out from the house comes a Cherokee women heading stright for the mail box, she checks it and no mail, she goes back in and a few min later she comes back out and checks the mail box again, this time she grunts and looks puzzled.. she heads back into the house.. the lakota women look at each other, puzzled but continue beading... Then a few minutes pass and again the Cherokee women comes out and looks in the mail box this time she's stomping her feet and just really she heads toward the front door one of the lakota women stops her and asks "why do you go to the mail box?" Well the Cherokee women explains I'm on the computer and it keeps telling me "I've got Mail".....
How can you tell the difference between a Non-native ghost and a Native ghost?
The Non-native ghost says "BOO"
The Native ghost says "BOO........Ayye!"
Heres a couple for the kids...........

What did the Mother Buffalo say to the son Buffalo on his way to school............ Bye son...... (Bison)

What do you call a short joke?......................A Mini-Ha-Ha.......


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